Melt Down

Yesterday I had a meltdown, I started the day off with my two nieces and son and by the time 5:00 rolled around I was absolutely exhausted. Hats off to all the mothers that stay home with more than one kiddo at a time, I don't know how you do it.

I realize that all babies are different and Emery Jack is an amazing little boy, I just never realized how truly hard this is. By the time I picked Colby up from work yesterday evening and started back home Emery was SCREAMING in the backseat and I was trying to work on counting to 10 and taking deep breaths, while I was asking Colby how his day was, and what he got accomplished. All I could think of was I didn't pull any hair out today and so far I haven't cried.

Once home I realized we had nothing planned for dinner and everything was frozen... That's when the waterworks started, I tried keeping it pulled together, but sometimes there needs to be a release valve. Colby suggested I go to wal-mart and get something and he would stay with Emery so I could have a "breather".

Once in the parking lot of Wal-mart I went into a full blown ugly cry. We all have one. I had to sit in the car until I could compose myself enough to walk in to get what I needed and at one point I noticed a little kid starting at me and talking to her younger sister.

OK, I KNOW it looks like I've been crying, but I assure you I was attacked by a swarm of bees in the parking lot, don't go out there, it's ugly!

Every day gets better it really really does, but sometimes I need the 10 minutes to cry in a parking lot, even if I do get stares from 7 year olds.

Once home I made dinner, rolled around on the floor with Emery Jack....I can't stay away for very long, I absolutely love the two men in my life.

5 Months

Dear Emery Jack,

You are quickly approaching 5 months old *3 days away* so instead of waiting to write this on that day, I'm taking my opportunity now, while you're sleeping in your pack in play (which you've grown to tolerate during nap time.)

You are getting so big, it seems like just yesterday I was cradling you in my arms at the hospital, not really knowing what I was going to do with you once I got you home and there wasn't a nurse to say, "No, that's not how you do it." The first few days home with you were the best, and worst. Not worst because I didn't love you, let me be clear, there was an abundance of love, but something happens when you're no longer protecting a baby in the womb. You were now experiencing all the things outside in the world and I didn't think I could keep you safe like before- tons of emotions flowing those first few days. I cried for 2 weeks straight.

Now, we're back home with our family and you have changed tremendously! You've started smiling and laughing at the crazy sounds and faces your mom and dad make, you are enjoying car rides, where before I didn't know if we were going to make it out the door when I put you in your carseat- the SCREAMS! You babble now, which sounds more like growling and a few times I've caught myself laughing out loud at the hilarious faces you make when you're concentrating on something. You have a fantastic personality, you are a good combination of your mom and dad. Strong willed, High spirited, You wake up smiling every morning (I think you got that from your daddy). You're not that little ball of flesh that just laid there staring off anymore, you're a real live KID! Your dad and I joke about you being "all boy" you love boobs and fart noises, and not particularly in that order.

In the past month alone you've learned how to roll from your belly to back and you are getting REALLY good at it! I turn around for a second and you've rolled all over the living room floor. Sometimes you get stuck and show your disgust by giving a sharp yell, "HEY, OVER HEEEEERE!". You've also started reaching for us when you need help, which melts my heart.

A couple of days ago I caught you really getting into an episode of Sesame Street, you were leaned over your jumper with your eyes fixed on the screen and every once in a while you would let out a squeal and pull your feet up and let yourself bounce. I am in awe of you...

You're still sleeping with us and take up most of the bed, but we don't mind. In the middle of the night, or morning 3a.m-ish you've started reaching for your daddy and grabbing hold of his arm or fingers. Sometimes you lift your head up and get really close to my face and stare at me, I know this because I'm staring at you with one eye squinted so you don't really know I'm awake because it's 3 a.m and momma isn't a morning person.

There is absolutely so much to write about because you're learning something new every single day, and as tired as I am, I wouldn't change this for the world. I am so lucky to be able to spend these first months with you, and I know I'm going to be sad when it's back to work. I cannot wait to see what is in store these next few months.

I love you big as the world.

Love,

Mama

Let The Festivities Begin!

It is time for all the fall festivals and I AM SO EXCITED! Colby, Emery Jack, and I decided to go to Apple Fest today and had a great time. I used to love going to these for the rides, games, and was SO bored when my mom marched me through the crafts. I now have a new appreciation for the craft booths and the food! Today walking around was so nostalgic for me, the smells, the sounds...I have missed home!

My calendar has been marked up with all the festivals in the next few weeks and you can bet that I will be at every one of them... I'll be the one pushing the stroller, eating funnel cake at the same time, yes, I am that talented.

The BIG Debate

To co-sleep or not to co-sleep, that is the question....

Since Emery was 1week old he hasn't left my side, literally. I'm getting better at our sleeping situation, but it can be trying at times. I came into parenthood with all these things that I wouldn't do... co-sleeping one of these things. After being exhausted, the kid just wore me down, and I caved and there we were all three of us. So, do we get a bigger bed, or do we put him in his crib, knowing that he is going to scream....ALL night long. The thought makes me so anxious...bleh.

The Birth Story...

I originally created this blog to have an outlet during college, and since then haven't really had the time to update. The blog has really changed from being my soap box, where I could say whatever I pleased to being a way for me to look back on these times with Emery and remember. So why not start with the birth story. :)

First let me start off by saying that Colby and I knew that we were cutting it pretty close with our due date, May 1st. We were in Washington at the time while Colby was attending Grad School and he was due to graduate on May 8th, 2010. This was nothing out of the ordinary for us, we tend to do everything all at once. *Recall back to when we got married- We graduated with our bachelors, I taught kindergarten until the day of our wedding rehearsal, got married the next day, went on our honeymoon the next morning, got back from the honeymoon on a Sunday, Started teaching summer school on the following Monday... We hit the ground running. Always.

Anyways, we knew it would be cutting it close because we were already set to move back to Missouri on May 9th...Mother's Day. I didn't want to fly across the country with a baby that was a couple of days old (in case I went late), so we opted to have our baby induced.

We were being induced on Friday, April 23rd, and I worked until the night before. Friday morning came and Colby's Mom had flown out in anticipation for the arrival of her first grand baby. We shopped for baby things, made sure the bag was packed, went out for my "last meal", and that evening nestled into the hospital room where it was all about to happen, which I would like to add was a very nice "homey" room.

The nurse walked in and explained to me that she was going to check my cervix and see if I had dilated any since my last doctor's appointment. Then she put the gloves on and SWEET MERCY...I thought I was going to crawl up the walls...I knew I was in for a very long night. She told me that I was barely dilated to a 1 and that I wasn't even 50% effaced. How in the world did I go from 90% to 50%? She seemed annoyed that the doctor would let me be induced and let me know that she thought I was going to be in the hospital for a while, if not sent home and then have to come back after the 2 days of rest.

She left us alone after that and said to let her know if I needed anything. Around 3 a.m I woke up to contractions, Colby was asleep and his Mom had went back to our apartment to rest. I didn't want to wake Colby up because I didn't think we had anything serious going on at that point.

5:00 A.M- Didn't feel that great, woke up Colby and told him I was ready to sit in the jacuzzi pool to relax.

6:00 A.M - Colby lets his mom know what's going on and the nurse comes in to check me again. I'm moving right along at 2-3 cm

7:00ish A.M- I start puking.... with EVERY contraction! Uhhh Misery... Until the nurse gives me something in my IV that nearly makes me fall out of bed.

8:00 A.M- I'm being bombarded with phone calls from my Sister, and Mom :) Love you guys!

9:00 A.M- The nurse is concerned that I am going to be one of those moms that GO FAST...and keeps asking me if I feel pressure and If I want an epidural.... I say I'm not sure, she calls the anesthesiologist anyways.

9:30 A.M- The anesthesiologist arrives and we decide to go ahead with an epidural even though it wasn't in our "plans". He was amazing, it didn't hurt at all. Everything feels fine so Colby and his Mom go to get something from the cafeteria.

9:35 A.M- The epidural only numbs my right side and I can feel ALL THE CONTRACTIONS on my left. So I hit the button to give me more medicine....It didn't work. Colby's mom comes back into the room and I explain that I need hands to hold.... NOW. And we're breathing....

The rest of the time really feels like a blur. I know we're breathing, and I'm doing a damn good job at that, but time sort of flies out the window. Around 11:00 or 11:30 the anesthesiologist comes back to try and help our situation, but to no avail. It just makes the right side even more numb and now I can't move that leg. Somewhere during this the doctor breaks my water.

The nurse comes in to check me and Freaks out and starts asking if I feel pressure and explains that she can feel the baby's head very close.... and calls for the doctor. At this point the doctor asks me to push a few times to see if we make any progress...and then tells me that she wants to let the epidural wear off because I can't tell what I'm doing.

We wait for what seems like forever, I explain that I'm going to start inventing some new curse words. Everyone laughs, but I'm serious.

The doctor comes back and I am able to start pushing and I can REALLY feel it now. Pressure, YES I FEEL PRESSURE! Panic sets in as I tell them to just get him OUT! I push for less than 30 minutes and at 1:11 that afternoon he's here...

He's absolutely beautiful and never in my life have things been so still. Everything about him was amazing. My first words to him, "Hi love, I'm your mommy."

Emery Jack

Oh how things have changed since I last posted. We met our son Emery Jack on April 24, 2010. I could not be a more proud mama. He weighed 7 lbs. 7.5 oz., 20 in. long, born at 1:11 p.m.

The birth story will come later, but for now I'll say we have a happy and healthy little boy...(technically not so little anymore) He's growing growing! We've been through our first smiles, rolling over, laughing, solid foods and it keeps getting better. I knew life would change, but did I ever think it would be this fantastic? No. It's amazing and extremely exhausting, but we're working through it.

Nearing the end or beginning?

Colby and I have two days before we're in the hospital being induced. *DEEP BREATH*

It is such a crazy thing to try and wrap my head around the fact that in a few short days this little baby I've been carrying around with me for nine months will be in my arms. It's so scary to think that he will never again be as safe as I can keep him right now. I guess it's a "mom" thing.

I cannot wait to meet him, see what features of the two of us he'll have, what his personality will be like, be able to kiss his little face and hands, I cannot wait to be a mom!

This is such a huge change and when people ask me if I'm ready, how am I supposed to answer that? All I know is that I cannot wait to hold him in my arms and tell him that even though life is rough, you'll always have your mommy and daddy here to love you.

When he's here I will be posting pictures of baby Emery Jack.

Hair

So today I had this thought that I'm 2 days away from going to the hospital to be induced and I have lots to do and OH I need to get my hair cut NOW! I've been growing my hair out for some time and it was just long enough to get it into a ponytail and keep it there with a few bobby pins. I was just going to get a trim, and got there and decided I have so many changes going on in my life right now... why not change my hair too?!

I think the girl doing my hair was still stoned from her 4-20 escapades from the night before.

I say this because when she turned the chair around to show me her work... I think I may have gasp and slammed both hands on the top of my head. I know she wasn't expecting the look I gave, but I looked like Bozo the clown. You remember him right? The clown with the hair that was 3 times the size of his head....yeah, that was me. I was desperately trying to flatten it down to my head and needed to get out of the chair because I thought if I didn't get out of there I may say some things that weren't so nice (*since that seems to be the norm now that I'm pregnant).

I'm not saying it's horrible, but it isn't at all what I wanted. I think it will be more manageable with the baby, and hair grows back, right?

* It's not that I've become a mean pregnant lady, it's not like that at all. I just tend to have a no tolerance for bull shit sort of attitude. I can't help it, and I think I like myself better this way. Things that I just went with don't really fly anymore... I think I'm toughening up!

31 weeks

It's been a while since I've posted, but a lot has been happening! First of all today is March 1st and it was 60 degrees today, the weather was amazing and I have SPRING FEVER BIG TIME! I can't wait to have this baby and stroll him around in the nice weather. :)

So we've booked our flight home for May 9th, the day after Colby graduates grad school. (Mother's Day! ) Woohoo! Colby had three interviews in Chicago in February and he had one call back really quickly. He's flying to Fort Wayne, Indiana tomorrow to have more interviews. Which means we will know about this job very soon. Keep your fingers crossed.

I'm counting down the days until our baby is here and we're on our way out of Pullman, Wa - See ya West side.

Christmas 2009

Well we survived Christmas! We went back home for 2 weeks so family could see the belly bump and had a fabulous time, it never seems long enough, yet it's exhausting to travel back and forth!

Among the many things planned this time home was a baby shower, which was a lot of fun. We got all kinds of things for our baby boy. I'll have to post some pictures, he is going to be one handsome little man! Hopefully he'll be in the 3 months clothes for a while, because that's his whole wardrobe as of now :)

We have picked out a name for him (I think), finally, but we're not telling which one we're using. It's between: Lincoln Cole, and Emery Jack. Input would be nice, I've been trying to think of all the nicknames/horrible names that can come from these when he's in school and haven't come up with anything too horrible :) I would hate to curse him with something awful!

Tell me what you think!

Oh Boy!

Colby and I had our big ultrasound on Wednesday, December 9th and it was so amazing. I've been pretty kept together when it comes to this baby and haven't really cried except when I found out I was pregnant...lots of emotions going on... But this was the kicker. It wasn't like a flood of tears more like, " Oh, an arm bone...it's so beautiful. (wipe tear)"

It was such an amazing feeling seeing our baby moving around and knowing that everything looked healthy.

Here is the ultrasound picture of our SON, he is so beautiful!

Bump watch 2009-2010!

So my morning sickness has started to subside. I can actually eat now at night and feel pretty good in the morning. I am, however, battling a sinus infection/chest cold I cannot get over it. I have a humidifier with vicks vapor in our bedroom and I have to tell you it smells like an old folks home in my townhouse. Poor Colby. I have had vicks under my nose and on my chest every night for weeks! My nose is driving me crazy, if I could get away with sticking a kleenex in my nose for the day I WOULD!

But.... other than the chesty cold/cough I'm fantastic. I cannot believe that I have a little person growing in me! That is the most bizarre thing, I walk past the mirror in the bathroom and take a double take. WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?! I am 2 days from being 13 weeks- when the baby's ears are developed enough to hear me. You better believe this little baby will be listening to some Bob Marley and I might even throw in some Elvis Presley.... We need to be well rounded. :)

I never thought I would reach a point in pregnancy where I felt this great. I cannot even describe to you the way I feel. I've always wondered what it would be like and I cannot believe this is my life right now. Complete bliss.

What's New?

Oh Internet,

I have had morning sickness.... I'm talking MORNING SICKNESS, run, tripping through the bed sheets to the bathroom, morning sickness! One thing I've learned about this whole process is that morning sickness is not just "morning" sickness. Oh no, it's all day long sickness. I had bruises from where I was leaning into the toilet. one on each wrist and one right in the center of my chest. I was a hot mess.

I have found though with a routine, that I do NOT change, I can manage this crippling sickness. I have been feeling a lot better this week. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that maybe the worst days are over.... (knock on wood) Other pregnant women I've talked to just frown and say, "Oh you poor thing, you're only 7 weeks... you have such a long way to go!" Oy!

Our due date was originally May 7th, 2010, but has since been moved up to May 1st. Maybe we'll have a May day baby. :) One thing is for sure, this is going to be a very interesting/exciting/trying year.

Love,

June's #2

Who can keep a secret??

I'm not sure how many people even read this blog, but if you do follow my erratic posts then I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Before I tell you this secret, I am going to first say that if you are also my friend on facebook...please do not post anything to my wall, but feel free to send me a message in my inbox :)

We are expecting a new addition to our family. Due date April/May-ish. We are absolutely FLOORED! We are very very excited and even though it's still very very early on in this journey, I had to scream it to the Internet!!! I'm PREGNANT!!!

Bangable Blog Babe....

So I'm minding my own business getting ready to post to my blog when I notice that in the live feed I see that people are arriving to my blog via: bangableblogbabes.blogspot.com

"Hmm..." I say to myself and decide to check it out. I'm scrolling through the page when I SEE MY FACE on June's Top 5 Bangable Blog Babes! I'm not sure if I should be stoked that I'm #2 or if I should be disgusted (leaning more toward the stoked if you care to know).

Here's what the post said:

Char-Marie : She's graduating with her degree in teaching this year, but I'd like to hire her as my personal sex education tutor.

The most hilarious thing of all is that I am in no way Smooth or Sexy. Anyone who knows me knows that I am the most uncoordinated, ungraceful girl, but you can bet that the next time I'm out and some random girl is hitting on my husband I'm going to lean over and say, "Move over bitch, I'm June's #2!"

Here comes the sun....

Spring break has officially come to an end. Tomorrow I have to go back to work, and it's bittersweet. I know that going back to work means we're closer to warm weather, but I also know that I'll be there all summer long when I could be out in the nice weather. BLAH. I'm looking forward to interview time again when I can maybe find an elementary job. I would be SO SO happy working with older kids again. I love my preschool kids, but I like to actually teach. I like talking about history, science....even math is fun. I miss all that so much. I miss having my own room to do my own thing in, and not having to wait to see what the other lead teacher will do. I'm in a funk.

I'm ready for the sun.

Fashion Accessories

The other night I had a dream that I was pregnant, and this isn't so weird except that when you had your baby it came with a designer hand bag. Immediately I began thinking that I hope my bag doesn't end up with lots of zippers and buckles...Ouch.

I've been trying to figure out what would prompt me to have such an odd dream. Colby and I have thought about starting a family lately, does this mean I'm still too selfish to take on such a responsibility? Either way this is the bag that I envisioned...

A Marc Jacobs "Woman's Classic Angela Hobo"
I love this bag, too bad it didn't also come with a nice pair of Christian Louboutin Heels....

Spring Break 2009

Dear Readers,

This week is spring break for Washington State University and for the preschool I work at, so Colby and I went on a much needed vacation to the Oregon Coast. Amazing. Let's break this down. We drove from Pullman, WA - long drive, but beautiful.

We arrived in Newport, OR around 5:30 p.m and the view from our room was SO gorgeous, we had a 180 degree view of the ocean from our room. We went to sleep to the sound of the ocean and woke up to the sound of the seagulls. When we woke up we went to Yaquina lighthouse and went all the way to the top to look out over the ocean. Then we made our way down to the beach to visit the tide pools and it was amazing! We were able to touch starfish and sea anemones and stood about 50 feet from sea lions. Then we made our way down to the Oregon State Aquarium where I got to pet sharks and sting rays- A huge deal for me because if you weren't aware, I'm extremely afraid of fish...fish with teeth to be more exact.

We had a fantastic time! If you haven't been to the Oregon coast definitely GO!

A Lovely Meme...

What are your middle names?
My middle name is non-existent, as in I have no middle name. Colby's middle name is Colby... He goes by his middle name.

How long have you been together?
We've been married almost 2 years and before that we were together 6 years.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We met via a friend... We talked to each other for about 5 months before we started dating.

Who asked whom out?
I guess I asked him... or maybe it was a mutual thing?

How old are each of you?
I am 25 and Colby is 24.. but not for much longer. We have a small window when we're the same age. :) As of now he's sleeping with an older woman.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
We don't see either of them at the moment with us living all the way out in Washington and our families back in the Midwest. Colby's brother Jacob lives in Missouri and my sister Stori lives in Kentucky with her husband and two babies. When we lived back home we saw Colby's brother more often because he was closer.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
I think being away from home has been a hard thing to deal with as a couple. I'm not in a job that I find fantastic right now, so I'm missing home more than I thought and I miss the things we were able to do at home. It gets lonely out here in Washington when we each have a busy load. I also tend to keep things bottled in, and Colby always seems to have to drag things out of me. I am working on that. I'll always be working on that.

Did you go to the same school?
We didn't go to high school together, but we did go to Missouri State University together. We graduated in 2007.

Are you from the same home town?
No. Colby is from a small town south of Kansas City - Butler, Mo and I'm from a small town in Southwest Missouri called, Aurora. Apparently people from Southwest Missouri have an accent, or so my mother-in-law says.. :)

Who is smarter?
Colby is far smarter than I am. He is able to retain all this information- anything he reads, watches on T.V. or hears he is able to regurgitate when the time's right. I have my moments, but I tend to work twice as hard at it.

Who is the most sensitive?
Ahem. Next question.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
There aren't a lot of places here in Pullman, WA to pick from, but we have a little restaurant in Moscow, ID that we enjoy called, The Red Door. It's fantastic and always a great date night.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Barbados

Who has the craziest exes?
Wow. We've both had the exes....I don't know that I would call any of mine crazy, "different" maybe, but not crazy. Colby has had some winners too though....and he wins this one. Drama QUEENS!

Who has the worst temper?

I think we both are pretty level headed when it comes to this one, but.... I'm going to go ahead and raise my hand on this one. It depends on the day, but if it's not going particularly well I have a short fuse. It doesn't last very long, but they're not pleasant. You want to be on my good side, we'll leave it at that. Especially if you're the guy that just cut me off in traffic.

Who does the cooking?
Colby is the cook in this relationship, although I have my very small pool of recipes that I pull from. He's always trying new things and adding in secret ingredients. I love love love that I have a husband who likes to get his hands dirty in the kitchen!

Who is the neat-freak?
Neither one of us are neat-freaks. This is not a good thing. We will do things like leave the vacuum in the middle of the staircase and walk around it for like a week before we really notice we're struggling to get past the damn thing. Then we'll put it away ..... the next week. We are, however, a great cleaning team when we put our minds to it. I think we're just so busy and we've moved so many times that it's not a big deal anymore if the spatula is in the drawer where it belongs, or sitting on the staircase with the vacuum.

Who is more stubborn?
Colby. Enough said.

Who hogs the bed?
Me, but not on purpose. I still maintain that I'm just warming up his side of the bed. I'm a flailer.

Who wakes up earlier?
It depends on the day. If Colby is going to the gym then he's up at 5:30. If he isn't then at 8:00 I'm at the bottom of the stairs yelling, "I'll see you at 6! Are you still in bed?! GET UP! Ok, I'm leaving.....coooooooooooolbbbby wake up.... Ok bye... See you tonight? I love you? Hello?" until he comes downstairs and tells me to have a good day.

Where was your first date?
The James River Grill in Springfield.

Who is more jealous?
This information is protected by the therapist-client privilege.

How long did it take to get serious?

It was always serious, I knew I would be with him forever.

Who eats more?
I think I eat more often, but Colby is always finishing the things on my plate. Does that make us even?

Who does the laundry?
We both do when we think of it. Again with the neat-freak thing.

Who's better with the computer?
Hands down that would be Colby. He can build a computer blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back... It makes me so hot.

Who drives when you are together?
Colby when he has his glasses on. I drive everyday to work and he walks, so when we're together I let him have a turn. I like to put my feet on the dashboard. Dangerous I know, but I like to live on the wild side.

Feel free to answer some or all of the same questions about your significant other in the comments, or leave a link to your website if you prefer answering there.

In need of inspiration.

I've been thinking a lot lately about downgrading the apartment and moving to a smaller place. Mainly to save some cash, but I really am in need of purging myself of some of the things I've been carrying around with me from place to place. Colby and I have accumulated so much stuff. Mainly things that people wanted to get rid of themselves so they "gave" to us to help us out, but now we are so cluttered.

It seems like we every time we move I start going through things and get rid of A LOT of junk, but we always end up dragging with us things that we haven't unpacked from two moves ago.
I'm really going to do some major overhauling in the next few weeks. I'm tired of being weighed down by stuff.